Chronicles of ElCaliente

wow

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 11:29:34 GMT

I havent posted to this in years.

I'm not sure whether to start posting to this account again, or start posting to the new one I made the other day.....

maybe I'll keep using this thing after all.

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 21:19:43 GMT

Just sitting around the house waiting for the maintenance guy to come by. Our sink has a nasty leak, plus its clogged, and while we've got him here I'm gonna have him caulk that crack in the shower, as its letting water into the basement when we bathe.
Water is turned off so the sink doesn't overflow, and since theres only one valve for the whole house, I can't wash dishes, laundry, flush the chamber pot, shower, all that shit. Grr fuck snarl.

New news in my life, I recently was the attending clergy for a pirate wedding. Totally last minute thing, too. Their booked clergy just kind of disappeared about a week before the wedding, and they waited until 1:30 pm on the day of the wedding to call me and ask f i could do it. And the wedding was at 6pm. "do you have all the vows written out already?"
"well, no, John had those."
Luckily I was going to the wedding already (it was for my BF Dhangus Khan) so I already had plenty of pirate swag, but whipping up a wedding ceremony in 2 hours is DAMN HARD. Even when you're half plagiarizing other ceremonies (half plagiarized because there arent any pre-written pirate ceremonies out there)
but it turned out well, brought tears to the eyes of many a steely eyed buccaneer. Lots of people told me it was the best wedding service they'd ever heard.

And then later at the reception the titties were a flyin' out for Reverend El Cal. I'm not sure which was the better payment for my services, the sincere gratitude or the flagrant exhibitionism. Kind of a toss up. :)

ello.

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 00:04:39 GMT

been awhile.
i'm suprised my lj is still here. somebody told my that myspace accidentally sat on it and it got shmooshed.
making plans to leave rapid city again. looking at moving to minneapolis to go to culinary school.
i was planning on leaving nov 1st, but now its pushed back to dec, or more likely spring.

bleh. bored.

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 09:07:44 GMT

life is hectic, and I don't know where to begin.

My main bitch right now is that the day after my son was born, I was laid off from work. The boss said there wouldn't be any more work until the middle of august and "hell give me a call". Bullshit, he did the same damn thing to Max just after his kid was born. Production went down a little, and instead of him taking it in the ass he made us take a week off, so Max went to colorado to work for his folks for the week, and when he came back production was up, but Pat kept telling him, "we'll call you if we need you" even though the rest of us were working 10 hour days and he hired someone new to do max's job. I'm pretty sure he's already got someone in there doing my job.
Not that I really want to work for him after seeing this shit, but its nice to be employed when you have stuff that costs money like, say, a new baby.

I'm getting better at guitar, but I haven't been painting or drawing much lately. I have been itching to write, but words haven't quite found their way to my fingertips yet.

My baby is perfect. I love him to death. He is beautiful and soft and he grunts alot and only cries when he's hungry. However he is a newborn, and kind of boring... the mostly just sleep, eat and poop and are awake for a little while to blink and scowl at the light, which is cute... but only for awhile. I can't wait until he gets a little older and starts getting into trouble. Then my short attention span will be more appreciative of the little changeling.

I'm exhausted.

baby done been born

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 05:30:32 GMT

Its a boy!
Leonidas Vladimir Vaughn Holloman
7 lbs 15.5 oz
22 in. long, 14 inch head, 13 inch chest
giant mitts, he's gonna be a crusher
born 1:18 am tuesday july 17

how's that for my first post in 3 months?

join mvu

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 10:33:36 GMT

	I'm Guest_ElCal on

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 02:23:03 GMT

Take 60 seconds to do this, I guarantee you will show someone else, it's too funny not to.

1. go to www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type "London" in the second box (the "to" box)
6. click on "get directions"
7. scroll down to step #23

art update.

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 06:04:30 GMT

Hey. New artwork up. Go look and see.
http://elcal.deviantart.com/

And stuff.
Car is out of commission. Resorting to the half-assed mass transit in this town.
Listening to rancid. and rasputina. and the dead milkmen. and tom waits. and bad livers.
I tried to spray hairspray on my newest painting to lock the ink, but what I grabbed was not hairspray, it was some sort of "sleekeningizer" that doesn't dry. Just some sort of oil in a spray bottle. I wonder what will happen to my painting? So far it seems only to have darkened the overall tone of the peice, which is good. It may have done to the canvas what I had to accomplish via photoshop before. I had to turn the brightness down and the contrast up a little, because it seemed a little washed out.

I heart alex borstein in the fucking face and you should too.

Happy Zombie Day to those out there who, y'know. I'm depressed because I should be dying easter eggs and watching cheesy zombie flix today. Instead I'm going to go to a mexican buffet fiesta thing.

I was on the news today.

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 10:17:56 GMT

So no shit. You guys are not going to beleive this shit.

Tonight, I caught the manager of Wal-mart:

***peering through my living room window at my half-naked pregnant girlfriend****

I didn't realize who it was until the cops ran his liscence plates, and the name came back over the radio. I put in a search on the 'net while they were out trying to catch him, and yeah. Manager of the Rapid city wal-mart.

He claimed he was driving by and saw a naked lady in the window and came in for a close rlook, but... well let me start from the beginning....

I'm sitting on the couch half-watching the TV and playing my guitar. Isabel is getting ready for a bath and comes out into the living room to search for a book to read in the tub, topless, but covering herself with her arm as she rifles the bookshelf. The blinds were open, but this isn't usually a big deal because-

we live at the end of a dead end road on the edge of a cliff. There is no across the street, theres not alot of traffic, usually just the 3 people that live past us. You can't see our windows from the bottom of the cliff... nothin. Relatively private, especially at 12:30 at night.

So i look up at the TV and see a face in the window, short hair, glasses.. NOT RECOGNIZED..... I warn Izzy, "hey someones at the door" and stand up to get it, assuming it was just someone who had walked up to knock on the door for some reason and accidentally saw my gal nekkid. Nope, he bolted...toward the back of the house.

by this convenient map I've reclaimed from mapquest, you can see the incident site (of sight) at point 1, the place he had parked at point 2.
Next the guy drove right in front of our house, which is odd, turned around and started back the other way. I ran back out of the house, and tried to cut him off on his way out of the neighborhood to catch is liscence plate.
As I'm still hidden behind the far house, he pulls into their driveway, shuts off his lights and gets out of the car with the engine running. I pop out from behind my cover and he gets the "oh shit, i'm gonna die" look on his face, and jumps back in the car and zooms away.

He doesn't live ther, he lives on the north side. So WHY THE FUCK WAS HE PARKING HIS CAR? and getting out? And there was no-one home at either of those houses.

anyway, we filed charges.

did I mention he's the manager of wal-mart?

boredom

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 12:08:39 GMT

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

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Personality

You are more logical than emotional, more concerned about self than concerned about others, more religious than atheist, more loner than dependent, more lazy than workaholic, more rebel than traditional, more artistic mind than engineering mind, more idealist than cynical, more leader than follower, and more introverted than extroverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are artistic (86%), musical (74%), intellectual (73%), slutty (68%).

Stereotypes
Punk Rock	93%
Emo Kid	89%
White Trash	86%

Life Experience
Sex	48%
Substances	76%
Travel	11%

Politics
Your political views would best be described as Libertarian, whom you agree with around 100% of the time.

Socioeconomic
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Middle Class. You make more than 0% of those who have taken this test, and 65% less than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated R.
By the way, your hottness rank is 45%, hotter than 65% of other test takers.

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Maddoctor and SyndiSyndi are Proud to Announce the Birth of their Child, Carlos ElCaliente, on November 20, 1979.



Unfortunately, Carlos ElCaliente is the cutest baby ever and no-one can stop fussing.

Maddoctor and SyndiSyndi are laughing maniacally.

What Did Your Birth Announcement Say? at QuizGalaxy.com

its coming

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 17:24:57 GMT

soon to be released
the frankenfucks first album
we're going top 40 baby

Pinot Nior

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 08:53:31 GMT

I cooked a garlic-parsley pasta with a pinot nior-sweet tomato-and-greek yogurt sauce for dinner... sun dried tomatoes, fresh red bell pepper, organic bison meatballs......

So of course I had to drink the rest of the bottle of Pinot Nior.
Cheap, crappy pinot nior, but still good to me. Sometimes it is nice to not have standards.
The normal fare of all night arguments and trying to escape the house was replaced with the joys of tickle fights and co-surfing the net looking for funny pictures.
Its nice, but I'm not holding my breath for it to last. the perfect relationship for south dakota, as the climate changes with the hands of the clock.
speaking of weather....
5:30 am- 30 mph winds, freezing rain and snow, 30 degrees
8:00 am - 40 mph winds, heavy rain, icy roads 40 degrees
12:00 noon- 55 mph winds, clear skies, roads covered in slush/flash flooding from snow runoff
3:00 pm- gusts up to 65 mph, cloudy, roads a pile of slush that constantly ends up on my windsheild, 48 degrees
5:00 pm - 40 degrees, winds slow to 20 mph.
7:30 pm- 30 degrees, snowing, wet roads freezing again
12:00 midnight- gentle breeze, 20-25 degrees, clear skies.

WTF?

I was thinking tonight about danielle, a girl I knew in sioux falls. She is really cool, we rode bikes, drank wine. Unfortunately I moved out there because I was really reallly reaaaalllllyyyy going crazy, so although we were friends, I know that we could have been better friends if I didn't have so many problems. People don't like to really get to know people who are visibly neurotically fucked fucked up. I hope I run into her again sometime while I'm comfortably sane.

I'd like to apologize to you all for my problems, by the way.

heres a pic for belated valentines day:

oh, sad man, drinking wine and listening to lucinda bassett. Buck up, you'll be manic again soon.

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 03:56:00 GMT

In a world plagued by hellspawn....
only one man has the power to dodge.
VETERAN FAITH PRIEST
Payback. This time.....Its For Real!

Fer Kozy!!!!!

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 09:47:25 GMT

omfg kozy.... whatta goob!!!

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 17:44:23 GMT

Heres some pics of my band playing at Punk Rock For Puppies saturday night.

Here is me blowing fire

Dr. Kyle Frankenfuck Rockin out the axeage

Bob the Gimp, punishing the skins

Me trying to get the lyrics right on our new song

beatin ass in the pit. What you cant see in this picture is the baby we're kicking.

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 00:34:50 GMT

today was pretty good.
Mostly because I decided to eat a handful of pychedelic mushrooms and strap on headphones playing russian lessons starting at lesson 32 (i'm actually only on lesson 9) before climbing into a giant statue of liberty costume to stand on the street corner for the duration of my trip.

I'm fairly certain this is one of my defining moments.

lemme tell ya.

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 21:39:59 GMT

I got sent home from work today, because it was too windy. And it is horribly fucking windy out there today. The wind pushed me into the street 3 times, and then ripped the head off of my costume and threw it across the street. It fleww across 4 lanes before it even touched the ground. So i'm hanging around the house, doing laundry, uploading pictures to tha net. I'll probably go pay the electric bill and whatnot later.

My band, The Frankenfucks, is playing saturday night at the "Pound Puppies Benefit Show" . We hadn't practiced for about 2 months lately because we all had conflicting schedules, but we got together the other night, and holy shit we sounded great. We also changed our line-up, as Crazy Justin (aka Junior) quit the band to join the army (we have a new song we wrote friday night called 'GI Justin') so we moved Jake from the drums to the bass - which he's better at- and brought on Bob as our new drummer- who's a better drummer than Jake. Considering it was a new line up and we hadn't practiced in months, we must be the greatest band in the world.

I want to play horror clicks, havent gotten to play lately. I think I'm gonna call J and see if I can come down to the store this afternoon and try to take on Cthulhu with my army of demons. I took some neat pics of a red Faith Preist facing off against the Blood Demon and some cronies. bleh,
i'm sore.

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 03:37:06 GMT

seriously. someone stab me in the face with a trout.
damned if I do damned if I don't.

I think I'm dead inside.

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 10:24:32 GMT

I now have incredibly slow internet on my incredibly slow computer. Its late, updates will resume soon.

i'm alive

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 06:26:18 GMT

maybe someday soon I will get an internet connection.
I've been broke (thank you deadwood... it was fun and all, but I'm broke)
finally moving downstairs, got my bed set up today.
Toook my new dog out on a 4 hour walk yesterday. He's a super unruly little shit, so I'm trying to train him to be a good dog.
here is a picture of him:

his name is Milo, and he chews, he barks, he pees on stuff when he feels ignored.
He is also so incredibly fucking smart he learned 3 tricks in one hour while I was watching TV, and just fucking around.
That was with no treats, just a "good dog" and a petting, and with a minimum of effort.
The smart thing is a problem though, because he has actually outwitted me. I tought him humility (when i moved in he was as wild as a coydog.... thoght he was king of the house) by nipping his ears, playfighting him until I could get him throated, and now he uses the submissive roll over to get sympathy when he isn't a damn bit sorry for something. Hell, he does it even when he hasn't done anything wrong, just to get attention.
Beautiful, smart, tricky dog. I shall teach him to steal money.

work sucks but I might get a raise. Had about 10 hrs overtime this week.
spent the last 2 days watching movies:
pitch black
the chronicles of riddick
aeon flux (bleh......)
School of rock
girls one wild 5 (better than aeon flux)
and playing horror clix. J and I ran the hroes vs horrors, first match 300 pt armies I slaughtered the x-men with the Widow Octavia and a couple 50 pt demons, my 30 pt killer clown took down wolverine with nary a scratch. But when we went 500 pts, I got tooled. Batman aced everyone out of their powers, the flash was un touchable, (except for one crit from rasputin) iron man got a severe beating by the widow, but in the end the massive damage dealt by the heroes wasn't enough to withstand. The mummy got bliffed out of existence by his inability to kill a superhero. fneh, and the rasputin-morgana team seems to be really, really, really shitty and not worth the 200 points you pay for them.

One of these nights we're going to break out the cthulhu figure and march a serrious offense against him.

I'm tired.

I defy you! Come and kneel before El Caliente!

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 01:31:50 GMT

monday november 20th
MY BIRTHDAY
venue8
7pm
the Frankenfucks (who I am the the frontman for)
Disorderly
Faggot
and maybe some other band.

Come. Bring presents.

I am a smelly, smelly man. and for that I must die.

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 22:09:29 GMT

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Elcaliente!

Some hotels in Las Vegas have elcaliente floating in their swimming pools.
A elcalienteometer is used to measure elcaliente.
If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and elcaliente would be as small as a pea.
During World War II, Americans tried to train elcaliente to drop bombs.
The elcaliente-fighting market in the Philippines is huge - several thousand elcaliente-fights take place there every day!
Elcaliente was the first Tsar of Russia.
Julius Caesar wore a laurel wreath to cover up elcaliente.
The horns of elcaliente are made entirely from hair.
You would have to dig through four thousand kilometres of elcaliente to reach the earth's core.
Early thermometers were filled with elcaliente instead of mercury!

some neat art I found on DA

Sat, 04 Nov 2006 00:51:38 GMT

of interest

Mexico's Immigration Law: Let's Try it Here at Home!

This article should be an eye opener, especially to those who object to enforcement of U.S. borders and laws.

Mind you, this is the law of the land in the nation that has threatened to take the U.S. to the UN for building a fence on American soil!

By J. Michael Waller [pdf]

Mexico has a radical idea for a rational immigration policy that most Americans would love. However, Mexican officials haven’t been sharing that idea with us as they press for the U.S. Congress to adopt the McCain-Kennedy immigration reform bill.

That’s too bad, because Mexico, which annually deports more illegal aliens than the United States does, has much to teach us about how it handles the immigration issue.

Under Mexican law, it is a felony to be an illegal alien in Mexico.

At a time when the Supreme Court and many politicians seek to bring American law in line with foreign legal norms, it’s noteworthy that nobody has argued that the U.S. look at how Mexico deals with immigration and what it might teach us about how best to solve our illegal immigration problem.

Mexico has a single, streamlined law that ensures that foreign visitors and immigrants are:

In Mexico legally;
Have the means to sustain themselves economically;
Not destined to be burdens on society;
Of economic and social benefit to society;
Of good character and have no criminal records; and
Contributors to the general well being of the nation.

The law also ensures that:

Authorities have a record of each foreign visitor;
Foreign visitors do not violate their visa status;
Foreign visitors are banned from interfering in the country’s internal politics;
Foreign visitors who enter under false pretenses are imprisoned or deported;
Foreign visitors violating the terms of their entry are imprisoned or deported;
Those who aid in illegal immigration will be sent to prison.

Who could disagree with such a law? It makes perfect sense.

The Mexican constitution strictly defines the rights of citizens – and the denial of many fundamental rights to non-citizens, both illegal and illegal.

Under the constitution, the Ley General de Población, or General Law on Population spells out specifically the country’s immigration policy.

It is an interesting law – and one that should cause us all to ask, "Why is our southern neighbor pushing us to water down our own immigration laws and policies, when its own immigration restrictions are the toughest on the continent?"

If a felony is a crime punishable by more than one year in prison, then Mexican law makes it a felony to be an illegal alien in Mexico.

If the United States adopted such statutes, Mexico no doubt would denounce them as a manifestation of American racism and bigotry.

We looked at the immigration provisions of the Mexican constitution. Now let’s look at Mexico’s main immigration law.

Mexico welcomes only foreigners who will be useful to Mexican society:

Foreigners are admitted into Mexico "according to their possibilities of contributing to national progress." (Article 32)
Immigration officials must "ensure" that "immigrants will be useful elements for the country and that they have the necessary funds for their sustenance" and for their dependents. (Article 34)
Foreigners may be barred from the country if their presence upsets "the equilibrium of the national demographics," when foreigners are deemed detrimental to "economic or national interests," when they do not behave like good citizens in their own country, when they have broken Mexican laws, and when "they are not found to be physically or mentally healthy." (Article 37)
The Secretary of Governance may "suspend or prohibit the admission of foreigners when he determines it to be in the national interest." (Article 38)
Mexican authorities must keep track of every single person in the country:
Federal, local and municipal police must cooperate with federal immigration authorities upon request, i.e., to assist in the arrests of illegal immigrants. (Article 73)
A National Population Registry keeps track of "every single individual who comprises the population of the country," and verifies each individual’s identity. (Articles 85 and 86)
A national Catalog of Foreigners tracks foreign tourists and immigrants (Article 87), and assigns each individual with a unique tracking number (Article 91).

Foreigners with fake papers, or who enter the country under false pretenses, may be imprisoned:

Foreigners with fake immigration papers may be fined or imprisoned. (Article 116)
Foreigners who sign government documents "with a signature that is false or different from that which he normally uses" are subject to fine and imprisonment. (Article 116)

Foreigners who fail to obey the rules will be fined, deported, and/or imprisoned as felons:

Foreigners who fail to obey a deportation order are to be punished. (Article 117)
Foreigners who are deported from Mexico and attempt to re-enter the country without authorization can be imprisoned for up to 10 years. (Article 118)
Foreigners who violate the terms of their visa may be sentenced to up to six years in prison (Articles 119, 120 and 121). Foreigners who misrepresent the terms of their visa while in Mexico – such as working with out a permit – can also be imprisoned.

Under Mexican law, illegal immigration is a felony. The General Law on Population says,

"A penalty of up to two years in prison and a fine of three hundred to five thousand pesos will be imposed on the foreigner who enters the country illegally." (Article 123)
Foreigners with legal immigration problems may be deported from Mexico instead of being imprisoned. (Article 125)
Foreigners who "attempt against national sovereignty or security" will be deported. (Article 126) Mexicans who help illegal aliens enter the country are themselves considered criminals under the law:
A Mexican who marries a foreigner with the sole objective of helping the foreigner live in the country is subject to up to five years in prison. (Article 127)
Shipping and airline companies that bring undocumented foreigners into Mexico will be fined. (Article 132)

All of the above runs contrary to what Mexican leaders are demanding of the United States. The stark contrast between Mexico’s immigration practices versus its American immigration preaching is telling. It gives a clear picture of the Mexican government’s agenda: to have a one-way immigration relationship with the United States.

Let’s call Mexico’s bluff on its unwarranted interference in U.S. immigration policy.

Let’s propose, just to make a point, that the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) member nations standardize their immigration laws by using Mexico’s own law as a model.

Any guess as to which nation would object the loudest to such a proposal?

its my day off and I've done little to nothing at all. I went to who's hobby and put in an order for a new dice set, They have to call the company and see if they can get me what I need- which is 100 dice of randomly assorted sized- all in the same style or if I will have to order 10 x 10 dice sets. Which is fine, as its the same price either way, but I don't really want 40 d6's and 10d12s. There were some really cool new dice bags at storyteller, in the shape of skulls. Thats right: SHAPE of skulls, they are cloth bags stiched so that when filled with dice they sake the shape of a skull. Unfortunately they are filled with completely useless dice (mostly) such a d6s labeled "200-220-240-260-280-300" and d12s with runes on them instead of numbers, and a grip of crappy d3s. who the hell uses d3s? J is gonna order me one of the bags without the crappy dice set, so I'm looking forward to that.

somebody do something interesting damnit.

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 23:57:22 GMT

Last night someone stole my backpack out of my car, I think they just reached in through the broken window and grabbed the first thing they touched. I have lost 2 nearly full sketchbooks, my D&D folio, my camera, 10 rolls of undeveloped film, all my razors and deodorant and toothbrush, my winter gloves, sunglasses, an ID, a bunch of safety pins..... I think I knew when it happened phsychically last night, because there was a point right about 12:30 when I just started feeling like crap and didn't know why.

I watched Hostel today, thus Isabel and I have decided next year we are going to go backpacking europe.

Here are halloween pics:

Chris H. as a droogie..
another Chris as a...... mardi gras..... reveller....thing......
What should I call that?
yet another Chris as Kevin Smith. While he was talking to someone they interrupted him and said "you talk too much to be silent bob" and I popped back with "thats because he's kevin smith you jackass."
Isabel wearing a mask that Chris made.
Demonsemen as a droogie.
kristen as a naughty fairy.
Teddy D. having his good time being stepped on by the man.
heres me as a "ragman". It was way creepier in person, you have to envision this pic being 6'7" towering over you in the bar.

that will be all.
::end transmission::

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 16:57:59 GMT

Notice that jesus is not comforting the patient, who is undoubtedly in horrible discomfort, but rather

shaking the arm of the dentist.

Jesus: You're an asshole.